How We Fail As Moms
Have you ever had one of those days where everything seems to go to crap, and you just flop into bed feeling like a total mom-failure? You question your ability to be a Mom and maybe even cry yourself to sleep. How we fail as moms isn’t about our mom-skills, how the day skidded off into the ditch, or how good we are at Lego. It’s something you didn’t even see coming, and I’ve got the lowdown on how we are failing and what to do about it!
But first, a true story to set the stage.
Poop-ageddon
My son has become a total wiggle-monster at diaper changes, leading to some poorly fastened diapers and several serious diaper blow-outs. It was blow-out number four, and my turn to tackle the beast.
I lay my smelly boy on the change table, and the moment I open his diaper, he rolls over onto his stomach. I thought I was smart, and pinned him with one arm while I attempted to snatch the poopy diaper from under him. Unfortunately, he is flailing like mad as he tries to escape, and I see an unprecedented amount of poop.
I realize that this is going to require more than one hand, but the worm won’t stop moving (or screaming). So I keep one arm on him while I try to grab the wipes (why is the drawer stuck?!), and with every passing second, that giant poop is getting kicked and smudged and squidged ever further.
I eventually manage to grab some wipes, and try to clean what I can… But by now there is poop in every nook and cranny of my son. There is poop on the changing pad and the changing table. There is poop on the wall. There is poop on my clothes, and his clothes are a total write-off.
A “simple” diaper change somehow turned into a poop-fight between my son and everything within reach, and the poop won. The resulting laundry debacle and the amount of cleaning products that followed was epic, and took all afternoon to recover from. The incident was the nail in the coffin of a very long day, and I was left feeling like the day was a huge failure.
Why You Feel Like You Are Failing
The reason why we feel like failures as moms is because, while poop-ageddon is bound to happen, we hold those “bad days” up for comparison against the rare, perfect, magical unicorn days.
Unicorn days are when the kids do as they are asked the first time, outings happen without a hitch, nap times are easy, and everyone is in a good mood. Perfect days are ah-maz-ing - but they are super rare. So why do we use those days as the standard for comparison?
When we use them as a measuring stick for every other day out there (aka real life), we will feel like we are failing, are behind, and that every day is meant to be a unicorn day. It’s about expectations versus reality. Parenthood is unpredictable, loud, and sometimes covered in poo.
It’s Time to Lower The Bar
Moms, it is time to create expectations that are more in line with reality. So I am calling on you to lower the bar you set for yourself. Lower that thing as low as it goes. That way, when something (anything) good happens, you will feel like a total winner.
Instead of aiming for a clean kitchen, healthy snacks, good manners, and no whining, set your sights low, and plan on doing zero dishes, feeding the kids Oreos for breakfast, and yelling all day at the kids who won’t stop cursing. I am betting that with this strategy, you will feel like a champion by 9am.
This may sound extreme, but we are failing as moms by setting impossible standards for ourselves. Since when is motherhood peaceful and tidy and happy every day? When we assume that it is or that it should be, we are going to feel like garbage 95% of the time.
5 Easy Ways to Keep a Success Mindset
It can be easy to forget that life isn’t meant to be Instagram-perfect, so I’ve got five easy tips to help you keep a success mindset when it comes to your daily life.
Take the lowest bar you have, and lower it a few notches. I am only half-kidding with this one! It is time to stop expecting that each day is meant to turn out perfect.
Reduce your task list. When you don’t get to the things you want to do, it is normal to feel like you are failing. I know many Moms who tend to over-plan their days. If this sounds like you, I encourage you to switch from a daily to-do list to a weekly to-do list. It has worked wonders for me.
Let it be! It takes some practice, but try to embrace the day as it comes. Follow your kids’ lead, and take a day to just play and be creative. It can be really nice to spend a day with no expectations.
Put on music. Try using music to set or change the tone of the day. We have speakers in almost every room, so it is easy to put on something fun and energetic, or to create a relaxing mood.
Reach out for guidance. Whether you pray, journal, or use affirmations, reach out for guidance in finding peace and serenity in your life.
And sometimes, despite all of your efforts, the day just ends up crappy. In those moments, I try to see it as a call to humor and grace and for what it is: a day in the life of a mom.
To all the moms with poop on your walls
I see you.
If you have poop on your sweatshirt
I feel you.
If your child has poop in every nook and cranny of their body and outfit,
Know you are not alone.
THIS is the stuff of parenthood
And you are doing a good job.
Days like these put us to the test, but they are the things that somehow we will look back on and miss. So press into the season of life you are in, because this too shall pass.