The Heart of Hospitality
I love to entertain, invite friends over, and cook a great meal for everyone to enjoy. I also love to have a simple, tidy home. Recently, the two collided in a very strange way that got me thinking about the true meaning of “hospitality” and how I want to embody it in the future.
Hello, World
!I Took It Too Far
We invited our dear friends over for a family visit this past week. In preparation, I spent the day cleaning up, putting toys away, and wiping sticky fingerprints off the windows. The whole day felt rushed, and by the time I opened the door to greet them I was totally worn out. Now, these are longtime friends who also have young kids, and they would never expect us to go out of the way for a visit. Yet for some reason, I had wasted the day running around like a crazy person, and then spent the evening stifling yawns rather than being present with my friends.
I knew something was wrong with the way my heart had approached the evening, so I prayed about it the next day. I looked at the previous day from spiritual, mental, and even physical perspectives because it had felt so off. I asked, “Why was I trying to make everything look so perfect? Is it because I expect others to prepare for me in the same way?”
The answer was a huge “NO!” In fact, I find it refreshing to go to someone’s house and see their breakfast dishes in the sink or a board game abandoned on the floor. It means they are letting me have a glimpse of their real life, which is an intimate and vulnerable thing. God whispered to me, “Julia, this isn’t about your house. It’s about your heart.” And that was a big eye-opener.
What is Hospitality?
Hospitality is thoughtful gestures that make people feel special and loved. And in the end, small gestures can be really powerful. - Candace Cameron Bure
That evening and the time I spent thinking about it reminded me that hospitality is a posture; it’s a welcoming, warm heart that you can practice anywhere. Yes, this time I was hosting (one of my favorite things to do!), but I went too far. Even though I love to plan, shop, clean, and cook, I know that with little kids it’s not always possible to do all of the prep and be a present, calm host, too. It might mean choosing to order dinner in or letting the fingerprints stay where they are; those things aren’t what my guests care about, anyway. I know that in the future, I’m going to make sure that hospitality comes first.
Hosting guests is only one way to show hospitality, and I’ve been thinking of other ways to keep it in my heart. We occasionally need to put the demands of life on pause and enjoy time with others.
After all, our human hearts and souls long for those moments of rest, communion, being seen, and seeing others, because we aren’t meant to live in isolation.
Show Hospitality With Your Love Language
Even if you aren’t in a season of welcoming people into your home (or you just don’t like to!), you can still create a heart of hospitality. We all give and receive love in different ways, so here are some ideas based on The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
Words of Affirmation. Express love with a handwritten note or letter in the mail. Text a friend to check in on them, or make a phone date to catch up after the kids go to bed.
Quality Time. Invite someone to join you for a walk, get a pedicure, take a fitness class, or go for a meal. You can also invite someone with you to an activity you already do, like grocery shopping or taking the kids to the library.
Gifts. My best friend is SO good at choosing just the right thing for others, and not a birthday goes by without a personalized Amazon package from her. Even simple gifts say that you’re thinking of someone, like dropping off a Starbucks coffee, some baking, or a $5 bunch of flowers.
Acts of Service. Roll up your sleeves and meet the needs of others! Bring in their trash cans on garbage day, text a friend when you’re at the store and offer to grab them diapers or milk, take their kids to the park with yours, or bring your spouse a cup of tea. Two minutes of your time can mean the world to someone else.
Physical Touch. I know a lot of people are missing this through the pandemic. A good handshake or a heartfelt hug can brighten someone’s day, as can holding hands or a shoulder massage. For less intimate options, be a great listener during a conversation and make eye contact with them, or “high-elbow” instead of shaking hands.
This experience of going overboard getting ready for our close friends has reminded me that imperfection is a gift. My friends don’t expect (or want) me to be perfect, and they’ll probably laugh at the lengths I went to for their visit.
Next time, I’ll prepare the best I can while leaving plenty of energy for heartfelt hospitality, and we’ll laugh at the child-sized nose-prints on the front window and the Hot Wheels under the couch. In fact, that sounds like the perfect evening with friends.